Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I have spent the last week eating tiny turkey sandwiches for breakfast lunch and dinner. It has been great eating three meals a day. I keep taking the leftovers from funeral receptions. I have been to two different funerals this week. One was for my grandmother, the other was a family friend who shot himself in the face. The funerals are weird because it has been the same group of family and friends at both functions, people that I haven't seen in a long time, and had a lot to catch up on and people that I see all the time and have nothing to talk about with. I made some plans to hang out with them outside of graveyards and funeral parlors. The presence of death hardly affected me, I didn't cry, which surprises me, because I am usually a baby about these things. Although, when my grandmother died I was thinking about how a person has no control over his own mortality. Then Johnny shot himself. Perhaps we have more control than we need.
Friday, January 20, 2006
I have never had a real job, in the sense that I have never had to put on a tie and shirt for work and nice pants and the whole getup. I don't know my way around the office. I have been temping for an office this past week. I hope that my job never becomes filing crap and getting lunch for everyone. Not that it is difficult work, it is quite easy, but monotonous and eventually worthless. After I filed a huge stack of papers incorrectly the boss said that it wasn't a bug deal, that the permanent staff would just have to fix it as they go. ( why file it in the first place then?) The people there are great, people in bands, people with kids, vegetarians, artists, not the white collar robots I had imagined. Friday was my last day and I thought that this post would be longer, but I spent the last couple of days recovering from a weekend drunk.
Monday, January 02, 2006
I heard a guy getting his heart broken tonight. I went to get a beer from the fridge and heard yelling in the parking lot of my apartment. i thought that people were fighting. I looked out the window. there was a man yelling into his phone about hating someone on the other line. he hung up. he was weeping. I lit up my last cigarette ( i am trying to quit for new years) and smoked out the window. the argument continued on the radio. the details were irrelevant. girl meets boy, boy loves girl, girl cheats on boy. boy gets crushed, boy cries on BMW. i felt a disparity, seeing someone so miserable, yet having nice material possessions. I am unsure as to whether to feel depressed or not. money may buy happiness, but it doesnt guarantee anything. he sounded awful. i cheated on a girl once. i felt awful, it was way worse than any time i got cheated on by girls. the girl sounded miserable. worse than the guy in the lot with the bmw. i wonder who hurt the most. one with a clean slate and a broken heart or the one with the guilty conscience and a broken heart. i have my suspicions. its been a little over 30 mins since my last cigarette and i am dying for another.